The Exhaustion of Existing

It finally caught on me. And as I am writing about this right now, I feel embarrassed to share, I am burnt out. Not with work, nor drag, nor advocacy work. I am burnt out for constantly fighting for my life and safety as an immigrant transwoman. There is always that deep-seated anxiety and fear of the future of people who are like me — my community. I think we felt that collectively in the past year but more so these past few weeks. I get tired that as we all face these external battles, I confront demons of my personal moments transitioning. The constant self-questioning of am I woman enough? Would I ever be a woman based on what society expects.

But all these thoughts are stemming from expectations both introspective and from what I perceive as what others perceived of me.

Then I realized I need to be more gracious to myself. I need to be kinder to myself. I need to acknowledge I am burnt out because that is the way to heal. Acceptance. Accepting the fact that I need to take a deep breath, hug a tree, and hangout with a goose